Fear not, friends; everything is fine.

With all this time on my hands, you'd think I'd be spitting out entry after meandering entry. Alas, I did not expect to be away from this thing for three weeks. I suppose I have some catching up to do, though my weekly horoscope did say diatribing (is there such a verb?) online is a futile exercise, so perhaps my absence wasn't all that bad.

Let's see. What has happened since my last entry? The automotive sector has gone to complete shit and its workers were subsequently blamed for it, 200 people tragically lost their lives in Mumbai and now fingers are being pointed at "terrorists", the Canadian government is on the verge of collapse while the Prime Minister desperately clings to his perceived power, and the strike at York is almost through its fourth week with little sign of ending anytime soon because the University seems more committed to "binding arbitration" than actual negotiation. Give me an opportunity, and I could talk ad infinitum about each, but I have something else on my mind.

I want to talk about a professional hockey player.

Sean Avery, forward for the Dallas Stars of the National Hockey League, a man renowned for his ability to root himself in the collective consciousness of his opponents with his aggressive play and fast tongue, landed himself in some trouble this week by sharing some choice words about one Dion Phaneuf, against whom he is due to play, and his girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert, the latter being the ex-girlfriend of the aforementioned Mr. Avery:

"I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."(TSN.ca)

Reactions to his quip were, as you may have guessed, not all that supportive. Executives, players and pundits alike chided his conduct, deemed "detrimental to the league and the game of hockey" and unbecoming of a "team guy".

That's all well and good, but where is the outcry over the chauvinistic nature of his remark? Does Mr. Avery say these sorts of things about his mother, or his sister (provided he has one), or his own betrothed? Are the women in his life nothing more than "sloppy seconds"? Should he even have a betrothed, seeing as how he seems to view women as mere fuck toys?

That being said, will anyone in the National Hockey League or on the sports channels decry this exhibition of machismo? Growing up an avid hockey player and having heard the kind of talk that transpires in the locker room - and, sadly, having been consumed by it myself - I'm unlikely to hedge my bet on this outcome. This is the very reason why I cannot fault Sean Avery for his latest foible; as such, I feel his suspension to be rather hypocritical of an organization who panders to the "macho male". It seems the only crime Mr. Avery committed was revealing to the world what most of us men think regularly. Does he draw the ire of the league because his comment is hurtful and demeaning, or rather because he inadvertently left the door to the old boys' club unlocked? Oddly enough, as a consequence, I wonder how many salutes Sean Avery will receive among male fans who take pleasure in dehumanizing women.

I almost forgot... something else happened on which I wish to comment, also in the realm of sports. I want to talk about a professional football player.

One Plaxico Burress, star wide receiver for the New York Giants of the National Football League, the man who caught the ball for the touchdown that defeated the mighty New England Patriots in the Greatest Distraction on Earth, accidentally shot himself in the leg with a pistol he was brandishing in a nightclub. It turns out the gun was not registered, so Mr. Burress is facing some potential jail time for this little incident. The mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, demands this young man be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of his celebrity status.

Remember the old ditty we sang as children, the one that went, "One of these things just doesn't belong"? Well, I see at least two things wrong with this story. First is the matter of the lack of registration on the handgun, which, in all honesty, ought to be a moot point; why do we not ask why he has a pistol with him in the first place? Last year, two players in the National Football League were shot to death; you would think their colleagues might have learned the perils of gun violence and took it upon themselves to cast the weapons aside, so why does this young man feel the need to arm himself when heading out on the town, or anywhere, for that matter? Come to think of it, why does anyone feel the need to keep a loaded firearm on hand, period? Does it matter that the gun has papers? Should we have them? The poor guy shot himself in the leg, for fuck's sake! What if you sat at home with your pistol, it fires, and your child is struck dead? Are we meant to wield such power?

Second, I can't help but ask myself what Michael Bloomberg would say had it been Eli Manning, the White quarterback, who was nabbed with a pistol; better yet, how would Mr. Bloomberg feel had his own child accidentally shot her/himself in the leg with an unregistered firearm? "But that's absurd!" you might retort, "what on Earth are you insinuating? That race has something to do with his reaction?" Quite possibly. I did spend last summer in a laboratory that investigates implicit prejudices we all harbour, so why would it be absurd to believe Michael Bloomberg to be exhibiting similar behaviour? Furthermore, what happened to Barry Switzer, former head coach of the Dallas Cowboys (and a White man), when he was apprehended at the airport for carrying a loaded handgun in his travel bag? "I swear, I forgot the gun was in there! I didn't want the kids to find it!" Would that excuse fly if his face wasn't White?

That's all from me this evening. I suppose I might have better served everyone by offering my thoughts on the real issues listed atop this entry, rather than opting for a journey through fantasy land. In my defense, there comes a time when, much like with everything else we see through our multimedia, one must remove the glitzy veneer from this grand fantasy and reveal its festering underbelly.

Fear not, friends; everything is fine. We're still alive and well, yes?